the results are in...

First, before I reveal the results I want you all to look through the questions - how many would you have answered yes? I answered 4 yes. That doesn't seem like a lot. Downright sober no matter what Loud's post indicates.

So, what did Johns Hopkins tell me?

You answered 4 items out of 20 Yes.
Your score is 20%. According to the Office of Health Care Programs, Johns Hopkins University Hospital, developers of this screening quiz, if you answered 3 of these questions with a Yes it is a definite sign that your drinking patterns are harmful and possibly considered alcohol dependent or alcoholic. You may want to seek an evaluation by a healthcare professional.



huh. seems dodgy that 3 out of 20 gives you a "definite sign your drinking patterns are harmful" I have chosen to ignore and continue my delightful life of recreational drinking. Coffee and Bourbon. My favorite beverages.

The jagged road through alcoholism diagnosis

I read through that last alcohol post. I thought all was fine until the last sentence. That was when I looked over to the right, saw the picture of the myself drinking, and I realized that blaming your drinking on external forces is probably a great indication of alcoholism.

So, I thought, I better figure out if I have a drinking problem. What better way than to type into Google search engine: How Can I Tell If I Have a Drinking Problem?

Not surprisingly, this results in a few hits. 1.79 million to be exact. This is less than the 1.9 million I got when I looked up modicum for a previous post.

It isn't until I start reading the first one that I realize that most mention privacy (completely confidential and anonymous), and I looked this up on my work computer. Now that the Judes knows that I am concerned about my alcoholism I figure I should keep going. I need to get some help.

So, I start investigating.

the first thing I notice is the source of this one:

Symptom
of Alcoholism - How Do You Know You're an Alcoholic?
The simplest and
most useful way to know if you are an alcoholic is to seriously and carefully
ask yourself if it adversely affects the way you function.
...www.dentalplans.com/Dental-Health-Articles/How-Do-You-Know-Youre-An-Alcoholic-.asp

Dental plans.com. Huh. really? is your dental plan concerned about your drinking? Why didn't my dentist (he is REALLY awesome, let me know if you are looking for a great dentist) ever confront me about my drinking? I guess he is only awesome at my teeth, not really awesome in the alcohol consumption arena.

the next thing I notice is the first three sentences in this one:

How Can I Tell If I Have a Drinking Problem?
The Answer May Be More Simple
Than You Think
The short answer is if you have to ask, chances are you have
a problem.

oh, this seems a bit of a sweeping generalization...

Nevertheless, getting worried, I decide it is time for one of those world famous internet quizzes. They are notoriously accurate and this will seal my fate. I publish the questions, my answers and the verdict for your review below. [Note: at many healthcare organizations such information would be considered confidential. You peons would not be privy to this information. I let you in now only because a publicly posted blog using a pseudonym is one of those foolproof methods of keeping your privacy]

Another tough choice came when I had to pick which quiz to take. Seems like any old person with an internet connection and a professional sounding title has a "tell if you are an alcoholic" quiz out there. I chose the Johns Hopkins one. Not because of their credentials, but because the article listed it first, it only had 20 questions and I wasn't going to go much further.

Question 1: Do you lose time from work due to drinking?
Yes or No.

There is no option for leaving work early on Friday to get a parking spot at Capital Brewery's beer garden.
That only happens in the summer, so I said no.



Question 2: Is drinking making your homelife unhappy?
Yes or No.

This one is fairly simple. I live alone and my house, my dogs and my plants have shown very little resistance to my drinking.



Question 3: Do you drink because you are shy with other people?
Yes or No.

ha ha.



Question 4: Is drinking affecting your reputation?
Yes or No.

Well now, I was feeling good. But now the tides turn. I suppose that becoming the comparison for others to define really drunk is affecting my reputation.

I am forced to answer yes. But, I am telling you what, if this quiz tells me I am an alcoholic by one answer I am back to blaming my friends.


Questions 5: Have you ever felt remorse after drinking?
Yes or No.

This seems unfair. I mean, I once broke my leg after drinking. Who wouldn't feel remorse? Oh, but sometimes I do say mean things to people that I feel bad about in the morning.
Once again, yes.

Question 6: Have you had financial difficulties as a result of drinking?
Yes or No.

Luckily I am a very well paid drinker.


Question 7: Do you turn to inferior companions and environments when drinking?
Yes or No.

uh. It takes me 3 minutes before I even understand this one. I flash to the last four "companions" I have had while drinking... only one of them was inferior at all and I suspect that if I gave him a go in the daylight he might have done just fine.
what is an inferior environment? if they mean a crack house then no. if they mean a smoky bar filled with leather clad men who have rotten teeth, then yes.
I said no.



Question 8: Does your drinking make you careless of your family's welfare?
Yes or No.

Huh. I don't really have a family. apparently you are more of an alcoholic if you have a family or "homelife". I am getting off easy.


Question 9: Has your ambition decreased since drinking?
Yes or No.

No.


Question 10: Do you crave a drink at a definite time daily?
Yes or No.

Do you think that it counts if every time I am drinking coffee in my kitchen and look over at the bottle of Bailey's Irish Cream I seriously contemplate it?
No.


Question 11: Do you want a drink the next morning?
Yes or No.

Unless shotgunning a beer with friends on a canoe trip counts, no.


Question 12: Does drinking cause you to have difficulty in sleeping?
Yes or No.

Nope. In fact, I might have imbibed early in my current job to be able to get the work crap out of my head long enough so I could sleep.


Question 13: Has your efficiency decreased since drinking?
Yes or No.

Nope, I actually drink one bourbon on the rocks to help me write a big monthly report.


Question 14: Is drinking jeopardizing your job or business?
Yes or No.

I don't think so. I would prefer it if none of you sent the link to this post to my manager, but other than that, no worries.

Question 15: Do you drink to escape from worries or trouble?
Yes or No.

Sure. I guess that is what my answer to number 12 means. It seems that they get you going or coming.

Question 16: Do you drink alone?
Yes or No.

No, not really. I have done it, but not in a long time and very infrequently.


Question 17: Have you ever had a loss of memory as a result of drinking?
Yes or No.

Now, do you think they mean have I pretended to black out so that I don't have to admit to remembering doing certain things? I actually have had only about 3 true blackouts, but I am saying yes.


Question 18: Has you physician ever treated you for drinking?
Yes or No.

No. But this reminds me of a funny story about my friend J-C. He went to the doctor and asked for the doctor to prescribe Anabuse (some anti drinking pill that makes you violently ill if you take it) so that he could train for a half marathon. This didn't last long. He wouldn't be doing well at this quiz.


Question 19: Do you drink to build up your self-confidence?
Yes or No.

No, I think that I am pretty special to begin with.


Question 20: Have you ever been to a hospital or institution on account of drinking?
Yes or No.

I am guessing that they don't mean to include the time that I was drinking and fell down a flight of stairs and broke my leg.
So, no.

Stay tuned for the next post on the verdict.

Being the drunken depth meter

I will most more of an "all about Wisconsin River canoeing" post on the WI Roaming blog.

This one is about me and personal contemplations resulting from the trip.

Question: am I the drunk one?

When Vavra drank rum mixed with blue kool-aid for hours upon hours and then spoke in tongues around the campfire, his drunkenness was described as such: "Vavra, you were as drunk as Lucia"
I thought to myself, that isn't the first time that was said.
Do I really get the drunkest? Consistently?
Is that the worst thing in the world?
I am not really the drunken crier. that is a good thing.
I am not the angry drunk. Also good.
I have not contracted a disease in my drunkenness, and I have only hurt myself a couple times.
So, is being the drunkest a good thing or a bad thing? Someone has to do it... and typically people don't tell me to slow down. It has been since the Kank that someone told me to keep drinking though...
I chalk that up to the crowd. Completely different thoughts on drunkenness. also, in college and in the Kank, I was not known as the drunk point of reference. So, perhaps my drinking isn't different, rather I hang out with a different crowd.

Clearly, this isn't my problem, it is my friends' problem.

Lost my inspiration

I am so sorry about not posting for so long. But, I just lost my mojo last week. I tried unsuccessfully three times to post something else, but it just never came. And on Tuesday it was bitter work talk. No one likes bitter work Lucia. In fact, she isn't even Lucia - she is Bitter Work...um, how about Luca. Luca is a bit of a creepy name. Wasn't she the girl who sang that weird early 90's song about an abused woman living upstairs? I could google it and tell you for sure, but what did we do before google/the internet? We just posed these questions and let our friends answer us. Perhaps that is what is wrong with the world now, we don't have to ask others for help, we just google something and we have all the info we need.
That is a nice little string of thoughts, but it does nothing to explain the actual current situation, which is that American children are getting taught less math and science in school and yet the amount to learn has grown exponentially over the past 100 years.
this brings up the things for which I have no patience -
1) People that don't have basic math skills. I am not asking you to understand differential equations people... but, learn how to calculate a 15% tip and the 10% off sale on those shoes.
2) Same thing with science. It is NOT too hard for you to know something about science. In fact, I guess I don't care if you don't know anything already about science except how science works (the scientific method) and have a modicum of curiosity to investigate natural phenomenon.
3) Women that claim they can't/won't do something. For instance, my mother says she won't change a tire.
4) Men that claim they can't/won't do something.
(it is at this point in the list that I struggle to find an example. Scary. Are all the men in my life willing to do anything, and the women are the ones holding tight to the gender stereotypes? Great, that is just great. I need to think more about this one... so, if you have any men in your life that won't do something, then please post that as I am getting a bit discouraged about the state of our society)
5) Anyone that doesn't know even 10% of what is going on in the world - for example, if I asked you what you thought about the commutement of Scooter Libby's sentence, would you have any idea what I was talking about? What about if you were playing a game and you had to get someone to guess the World Trade Center - would you know what city it is even in? What about Bosnia, would you even know the continent?
6) People that don't get their pets fixed. Not that I really know anyone specific, but still.

So, that portion was a bit negative. I want to end this on a positive note - Here is a funny story about a coworker:
At a very, very early customer's install meeting we were wearing business professional and hurrying to a meeting with them in one of the hospitals. We are click clacking down the hallway and a middle aged woman pokes her head out and watches the crowd of 20 somethings hurrying down the hallway towards her. As we near she says, “Are you medical students?” to which my coworker replies, without breaking stride, “No, we are young professionals” and we just continue down the hall at a brisk pace.

This was a long random post, but I have more coming, some with pictures. So, just hang on and I will get back into the swing of things!

I can feel you cringing when I call

Yes, that is right. I know when I call you at your work phone that you cringe when you hear my voice. It is okay. I am a bitch on wheels at work and often I am in that frazzled place where my voice turns low and I try to make it as cold as possible.
So, I just want you to know that I know, and when I am not mad I try to be light and happy on the phone so that you don't feel bad any more.
When I called you just now, I could tell that you wish you would have left for lunch just 2 minutes earlier. But it wasn't so bad, was it? I just needed a question answered and you gave me an answer.
thank you! have a great lunch!

PS of course I am not holding it against you in my mind that you are going out for lunch, you are behind in your work and I ate mine at my desk. no, no! of course I don't tuck that little factoid away to feed my rage the next time you miss a date or screw me in front of the customer.

The best I could do for a long night

This post was written a couple of weeks ago. I was holding on to it for just such an occasion, a series of days without posts, but without the inspiration to write a fresh one. Enjoy.

Lucia's business tip of the week: Defensiveness. Stop it. Acknowledge what it is that is wrong and try to see where you might have had a hand in it. Think of ways to improve it and suggest those. Pointing fingers not helpful and while for a second telling everyone what a loser other people are might be gratifying, it will not actually help.
For instance, if you are invited to a call and asked why you don't have your issues resolved and they don't have dates and your customer thinks that you are out of town and therefore can't help them, don’t whine about the customer. Particularly don't do this with several managers on the phone. Specify where you think you could have done better and then indicate what challenges you face with the customer and how others could help you more effectively. Then ask for suggestions, how do you think I can better meet their needs?
Everyone will like you and you will get out of the call with some respect and also perhaps some new ideas for resolving the problem. Let's be honest, whatever you were doing wasn’t perfect because we had the issue to begin with.

Picture post

I felt like I needed a picture post. But, I feel like this one should almost be titled: Blue Cup thrust into Foreground.

Naming my kid

okay, so I don't have a kid, and won't for awhile. This doesn't stop me from contemplating this kid's name.

here is what I think - I should go ethnic. But what ethnic name?
When you google ethnic names I got 3 suggestions for boys: Brett (umm, this one might not count as ethnic any longer), Alban and Osgood. and 2 for girls: Aphra and Rainbow. This is when I realize that this site sucks.
I try again.
This time I get a blog post about how offensive it is to say "ethnic names" - to which I feel abashed for all of 20 seconds before laughing softly to myself in the airport. I can only hope that part of my charm is my love for saying somewhat offensive things. Like, to the coworker living with his girlfriend who said he wasn't going to marry her any time soon - So, you like getting the milk for free, eh?
anyhow, I figure I still don't have any good ethnic names for my kid and just googling "ethnic names" isn't working well. (2 sites into it. I have a short attention span)
Also part of the problem is that the charm in ethnic names is their tie to your origins somehow. When people ask me about my last name I do like talking about how my father's line first came to America in the 1700s.
okay, I am probably German/French/Danish/Swedish - so let's pick one of those. I don't really know how to pronounce anything in French, so I think that is out. German...it is so full of shhh sounds, I just don't know. Danish is the one turning me on right now, so let's google that.
uh. not so easy. It turns out that the Danes are squarer than the Germans. they have laws governing the naming of their children: http://www.iht.com/articles/2004/10/08/news/danes.php
In fact, this quote from the article causes me to feel worse about the "ethnic name" than that blog post did.

At its heart, the Law on Personal Names is designed to protect Denmark's
innocents - the children who are undeservedly, some would say cruelly, burdened
by preposterous or silly names. It is the state's view that children should not
suffer ridicule and abuse because of their parents' lapses in judgment or their
misguided attempts to be hip.

Is my desire to name my kid with an ethnic name a misguided attempt to be hip? Seriously, I would rather be anti-hip. Where are those names?
I am going to name my kids Jane and Fred. Can't get less hip than that.

Wait a bit, see how it all shakes out

this past Sunday, I was sitting on my front porch, enjoying my coffee and reading this week's Isthmus.
One snippet:

The Madison School Board decides that only people who are dead can have a
district school named in their honor. The policy change comes after the board
reversed its decision to name a new elementary school after Hmong Gen. Vang Pao
who was arrested on charges of conspiracy to overthrow that communist Laotian
government.

This is funny to me. Dead people can't commit any crimes, so I guess as long as you trust your vetting process you feel safe nominating dead people.

Also, this brings to mind a lecture I was recently listening to about the legacy of presidents - and then there is a lot of talk recently about Bush's legacy: http://www.guardian.co.uk/usa/story/0,,2120797,00.html
http://www.reuters.com/article/topNews/idUSWAT00783220070704?feedType=RSS

Condoleezza Rice said something related in an interview with George Stephanopoulos (who I have a huge boner for) on GMA Friday morning (quote transcribed from the end of this video: http://abcnews.go.com/Video/playerIndex?id=3373699)
"History will judge, but I know enough to know myself as a historian, today's headlines are rarely the same as history's judgment. "
I think this ties in nicely with Madison School Board's decision. Perhaps you just have to wait to see how it will all shake out.

Hitting the wall at noon

I am sitting at my customer's site and I just hit my limit.
I honestly doubt that I am going to make it through the four more hours of meetings that I have today in addition to the prep required for tomorrow. If I hadn't offered to give some people a lift to the airport tonight I would be gone right now. I would have told my afternoon appts that I couldn't make it and just gone to the hotel to sleep off the headache and frustration.

If another document is lost that I spent over an hour on...
if one more person is completely incompetant...
if someone is not removed from their job when they make me look bad repeatedly in front of the customer because they can't do anything on time....
- I am going to lose it.

I would suggest that if you don't want me to freak out on you, that you go ahead and stay away from me today. Thank you.
Where do I get a sign that I can hang around my neck that says this?

My future bed

you know how you sometimes get unsolicited catalogs? And they seem to all run in a theme, like you got on the preteen clothing list, or the old woman style shoes list?

I got on the higher end furniture list. I am not complaining. Someone somewhere thinks that I have 6,000 bucks to spend on a dining set. Thank you for the compliment. but I don't.


It isn't like receiving a catalog is someone forcing you to buy something, so why not just take the compliment and move on to the lower priced stuff? The problem is that I love it. I love all the stuff in the catalogs. a lot.




I found a bed. Called Preston Hollow (which is just so fun to say!). I must have. Must. The only issue is that it is 1300.00 (and 200 for shipping). But it is beautiful.



I need more money and some time to justify this expenditure to myself.

Reasons this bed is a good idea:

• If I cancel my cable it will only take 12 months to accumulate this quantity of money.


• The other bed that I like is 2000.00 before shipping! Makes this seem downright reasonable.


• It is cherry finish, so it will be easy to match for the other pieces - I don't have to buy the matching 700 dollar nightstands, the 1300 dollar dresser or the 2000 dollar armoire.

Feel free to submit additional reasons that this bed rocks or why it is a brilliant long term investment.

The wonders of my porches

I have a front porch and a back porch. When I moved into the house last December, these were mere passing through places. Sure, I stood on my front porch for a minute or so to see the Capitol in the winter, and some family smokers used the back porch while visiting.
However, these places are amazing in the summer.

Front Porch: Besides my pride and joy flower baskets that I made myself. I now have two Adirondack chairs and a small side table on the front porch. I am very proud of these chairs. They were 12 bucks each at Target, but they were a hideous beige color. Thanks to a tip from my mother I discovered that there is now a spray paint for plastic/resin! This allowed me (tip for others, it takes 2 cans to cover 2 chairs) to convert them to nice black. It goes well with my existing color scheme. I have some places where the paint has scratched off already, so the painting of the chairs may become a yearly event. Nevertheless, they make the porch a great place to hang out in the morning for my coffee. Good breeze, shady, overlooking the street and yet no one looks up here so you feel private. Delightful.

Back Porch: This area has not yet been maximized. Right now it is just a screened in porch with a light and some crappy furniture on it. It did provide nice shade though during a cookout, so it has done the job. But, I have plans - I even have sketches! Convert existing light fixture to a ceiling fan/light, replace existing door to the house with a set of French doors (I REALLY REALLY want this), curtain rods at the corners with a tan sailcloth tied back. An outdoor rug. Two sitting chairs and a small table. A daybed with lots and lots of pillows so I can take naps outside.
I dread the coming of winter when these places will once again sit alone and unused.

An entirely new genre of blogs, those devoted to software programs!

Regular readers know that I am high on OneNote. Today I was looking for some more OneNote templates on Google. I stumbled upon a link that looked good - a OneNote blog!
Really! It isn't just me that proselytizes to everyone I meet about the benefits and wonders of this program.
Check out some of the ones I have found thus far. I may even get so bold as to send the link to my own post to these guys.
http://blogs.msdn.com/chris_pratley/
http://blogs.msdn.com/descapa/

fitting room conversations

Funny thing happened to me on this business trip. I realized that I had only packed one shirt. hmph. one pair of pants (as long as they aren't too distinctive) can get you through three days on site, but one shirt will NOT do!
So, I went to Target (my options at 9pm in Dayton are pretty limited) - and tried on every combination of shirts I could come up with (of course, only 6 at a time).
While I was in the fitting room I was treated to one of the worst fitting room conversations ever. The attendant was on the phone. It went sort of like this (loudly, with a southern Ohio accent)
Did you check your car?
you are so in trouble!
All of it has to be either in the house or the car. it has to because you weren't any where else.
Did you check your blue purse, cause when I was in your car I moved it over and I thought it seemed really bulky
at this point - I am a bit curious - what is it that her friend lost? cell phone? money/wallet? something more exciting?
oh my god, I can't believe you lost all of your eye makeup! What are you going to do?

yep, that is right. I have shortened it for you, but believe me, I listened to 18 garments worth of Jenni-the-girl-who-mans-the-Target-fitting-room discuss missing eye makeup with her friend.
Oh, I don't want to whine and tell you the entire 3 runs of 6 garments each was devoted solely to eye makeup. It was interspersed with Jenni taking Target store calls, routing them nowhere, then bitching to her friend when the people called back.

change of picture

after the last post I decided that I needed to change the picture to the right
something that made me look smarter.

but a quick dash through 6 GB of pictures on my computer shows that there are practically no pictures of me where I look incredibly intelligent.

that will need to be my next photographic challenge.

Grammar lesson for the day

Principle versus principal.
I have to write a report each month for work where I mention the Principle Trainer. Except that the guy who reviews it always changes it to Principal Trainer.
I suspected he was wrong.
But, I changed it to his spelling for the past 8 months, heck maybe 12 months.
This month I look it up on the internet - here is what I found:
Principal can be used as an adjective or a noun, Principle can ONLY be a noun.
Definitions aside this is a nice rule that I can live by since I am using it as an adjective and there is only one choice for that situation.
So, I am soundly behind Principal Trainer from here on out.

(you may have noticed that I was incorrect initially. I have chosen to place myself squarely in the public view as wrong, but now righted. Hopefully this dispells the rumors that I am infallible. those are so annoying)

a morning post because nothing was produced this weekend, and then perhaps an evening post as well.

Random thoughts from my weekend:

• Do other people laugh out loud when they are alone? I do. But, my mental voice is funny.
• Big Brother 8 - shaping up to be the mindless addiction of the summer - Hell's Kitchen you let me down and you have been replaced.
• I don't own one thing I would take to Antiques Roadshow.
• Per one of my Princeton podcasts - don't try to debate the creationists, they don't play by the rules of science.
• I should get John Cheever's Big Red Book of Stories - after hearing a short story called Reunion on my New Yorker Fiction podcast.
• How best to affix a hose hangar to the exterior of my house? long screws I guess. will try next weekend when it isn't seventy million degrees and humid.
• By far the best yard and garden supply store in the Madison area is The Bruce Company. It is far away from me in Middleton, but after unfulfilling trips to local nurseries I finally found all the supplies I could want, arranged in a logical fashion, and with many check out areas so that I don't have to wait for 30 minutes to buy two bags of compost. Congrats Bruce Company, I am hard to impress.
• Furniture - I went idea shopping. I have a lot of furniture to buy as I don't have many pieces. The unfortunate thing is that the things I had to have, I already have. sigh.
• I should have gone clothes shopping as I determined this morning I had absolutely NOTHING to wear all week to work.

Thursday haiku

ear infection pain
visit to doctor, ear drops
whiney mopey day

picture of the day

no time today to write a long exciting post

1. 1) had a good barbeque last night - lessons learned:
   a) have guests bring fire pit up the hill from the basement. This will not only get it up the hill for you, but using it will prolong party.
   b) when it gets dark, people go home
   c) if you want to play games then you need to start them before the folks that brought them go home.
   d) my backyard makes for good partying. pretty decent space and layout, and lots of lightning bugs. not many mosquitos.
2. people seem to dig the pictures, so here are your pictures for today - first to name the event gets admiration from the nameless readers:

"pose like you are hot"

one night we were out for loud's b-day. I told people to pose like they were... well, I think I said hot (I had been drinking too).
Judge for yourself:

weekend without posting

I didn't post all weekend. Besides meaning that I didn't actually open up my computer all weekend (which is often a delightful thing), I was busy!
Tonight I am throwing a barbeque for about 30-40 people and Wednesday for about 10, so I had to get the place into shape.
On Saturday I not only went to the farmers market and out that night to crash a wedding, I picked all the weeds in my backyard, planted some zinnias I bought at said farmers market, and took a 3 hour nap. whew, what a day.
On Sunday - I slept in till 9 (what a wild gal I am) and then went out to rid the front yard of weeds. This was no small task and took me until 2pm. Honestly, there is still a patch that didn't get done, but we are going to act like that was on purpose to give some color. I even swept my driveway. -Side Note: I hate the guy down the street that uses a blower on his driveway. One, it is noise pollution, but also, think of the fossil fuel usage! As I spent 30 minutes using what was an ill advised broom choice (one of those long push brooms, but old with the prime pushing days behind it), I felt superior to him. Same goes for the snow shoveling the winter and my reel style push mower. I tell myself I am getting a workout AND being good to the environment!
A certain exboyfriend had offered to come over and help me with yard work on Sunday, but he never showed. and he never called. I was pissed yesterday and today I am vacilating between angry and concerned that he is dead in his house.
Since he never came, I had to do the tasks that I planned for him - including shopvac-ing the back porch, watering the back lawn and new flowers, carrying garbage and recycling down to the basement, planting those coleuses that I bought at a farmers market two weeks ago (they look great by the way), and trimming some bushes.
I forgot, I also picked up dog poop. Did I tell you about my Doggie Dooley? I don't think so, but that is for another post. This one is long enough.
So, no surprise, I fell into bed at 8pm. I was tired and had a 6am call today with a customer.
I am tired and yet still behind in my work!